Behind the Blur: Writing Through Coercive Control

There are moments when the mirror lies.

Not because it’s broken, but because you no longer recognise the woman staring back. That was me. 

The poem Behind the Blur emerged when the ache of my existence had no place to go but to find its way outside of my body. It came at a time when the reflection in the mirror, situated in my mother’s beautiful bathroom, once a favourite comforting place, felt like a stranger. A time when the intangible proof of coercive control had fogged the focus of my self-view, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Writing that poem wasn’t a performance. It was a release. A  reclamation that I didn't know was in motion.

Let the Pen Speak: Writing as a Self-Soothing Creative Step™

When I stood to speak at the Angelou Partnership’s “Try to Be a Rainbow in Someone’s Cloud” event, I shared these lines from my 2017 poem Behind the Blur, written during one of the most disorienting times of my life:

“We became brand new until our identity got blurred,

Encapsulated in what we had taught ourselves to accept…

Compressed until our form changed…

And that’s how the reformation of the new original came to pass—

The identity reappearing from the blur.”

These words weren’t just poetry—they were prophecy. A reckoning with all I had to endure. A whispering to the part of me that remembered who she was before the fog.

And that whisper is what eventually became the SSCS™ Framework—my Self-Soothing Creative Steps:

• Support came in the form of community who didn’t need the whole story to hold space.
• Self-Love grew as I dared to name what I had accepted.
• Spirituality grounded me when I felt shapeless and compressed.
• Security returned as I wrote myself clear, until I reappeared from the blur.

This is why I say: "let the pen speak" when the voice cannot. Because in writing those lines, I didn’t just reclaim my reflection, I reclaimed my becoming.

That Defining Moment

Reading the poem aloud during the Angelou Partnership event wasn’t about being seen, it was about seeing myself again, in a present moment when I was choosing me, while simultaneously choosing the many women who were silenced before me, those who are wanting to reclaim their voice, and those who have answered the sound of their calling.

Amja speaking for the Angelou Partnership’s 10 year celebration- "Try To Be A Rainbow In Someone’s Cloud". Fulham Football Club, Fulham Pier

That moment revealed that healing wasn’t just a quiet hope, it was an active step.

So I wrote.

“And just like that…”, I began to remember. To rebuild. To Become.

If you’ve ever felt lost in your own reflection, I invite you to explore the SSCS™ Framework.

Let the pen speak your becoming.

Let Art Be Your Becoming.

Love and light—infinitely, peace.

Amja Unabashedly